6 Ways to Support Grieving Friends and Family During the Holidays
‘Tis the season to be merry, but the holidays are burdened with emotions for someone grieving. Of all the holidays in a year, few induce as many thoughts and feelings as those that begin on Thanksgiving and end on New Year’s Day. Holiday grief can be overwhelming in these times.
Families who are grieving the death of a loved one are bombarded with photos of families and friends gathering around a warm meal, opening presents together, or celebrating with one another through the New Year. These verbal and visual cues imply that everyone comes from a happy, close-knit, and lively family, untouched by the ravages of grief. Other seasonal cues, including the sight of fall foliage or holiday-themed scents, may trigger memories and emotions associated with past holidays spent with dear, departed family members or friends.
If You Are Supporting Someone Who Is Coping With Holiday Grief, Follow These Suggestions.
6. Understand That People React in Different Ways
Some people may want the closeness of friends at times and need space at other times when they are dealing with grief. Could you invite the person to social events and allow them to change their mind at the last minute?
Never force someone grieving to go out and have fun, but it never hurts to keep the invitations coming unless they ask you to stop. Remember that, sometimes, someone grieving might not have the energy to be social. The holiday grief, in particular, can make events harder to attend. Invite your loved one to the movies, your house, a favorite restaurant, or another friendly place, but let the person know that it is acceptable to decline your offer.
Even if your offer is declined, a single invitation can go far. By extending an offer to someone who is grieving, you show that person that you are not scared off or threatened by their grief. Inviting someone to activities shows them that you believe they will be okay and that you want to spend time with them.
5. Start the Conversation
Use the name of the person who has died and share your memories with them. When sharing memories of a recently deceased loved one, remember that it is okay to cry. Telling yourself not to call and holding back your emotions will make things much more challenging for you and the person you are communicating with.
Saying the name of the deceased loved one establishes remembrance, which can be a crucial component in the healing process. Being able to tell the deceased family member’s name allows you to share the fond memories you enjoyed with them. Not being able to share these memories can take away from your happiness, making the healing process harder.
4. Make a Donation in Memory of the Person Who Died
Donating in memory of someone who has died can help a family or loved one in many ways. A donation to the family is another way of showing your support.
You can donate as much money as you feel comfortable giving. Remember, it is not the amount of money that matters to the family. What matters is that you are thinking about them in the long run. These donations can be made to a specific charity, your favorite cause, or the recently departed family.
When a terminal illness causes death, money can be donated to help conduct research on that specific illness or to provide care for those still suffering from that illness. Alternatively, you could contribute to an essential cause for the deceased loved one.
Death in a family can come with a financial load. Funerals, flowers, limousines, and other funeral costs can be expensive. These costs can be challenging if the death is unexpected. Getting treatment for the deceased family member could have been extremely costly. Simply writing a check, putting money in a card, or offering to pay for funeral expenses can help a grieving family with their financial troubles.
A thoughtful donation while a family is coping with losing their loved one and the holiday grief that comes up during the season can help people heal.
3. Be With the Person Who Is Grieving During Holiday Activities
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Holiday activities like writing letters, wrapping presents, or addressing holiday cards can be difficult when dealing with grief. Sitting with someone who is grieving while they are performing any activity shows that you are present.
Grief tends to be a very isolating experience. Remember that your actions speak louder than words. Your presence shows the grieving person that you know how difficult their background is and that you will not let them go through this alone.
2. Offer a Listening Ear
You aren’t expected to say magic words that will make them feel better. Being a listening ear can significantly help someone who is grieving.
Could you let them know you are there to listen when they are ready to talk? Those grieving may want to talk about their feelings some days, and others may not. If they’re going to talk, let them. Try not to force them to talk about how they are feeling. The grieving process takes time, and they may not be ready to communicate their feelings.
If you are not sure what your friend or family member wants to do, don’t be afraid to ask how they need to deal with their holiday grief and not having their loved one at this time. Knowing exactly how your loved one feels is better than being intrusive. Identifying specific cues can help you determine how your grieving friend or family member feels.
Grief can make someone irrationally dislike places, people, and activities. One can become angry with close friends and family. By being a listening ear, you are allowing your friend to vent. Try not to reason with them or defend those they are venting about. Let them vent and move on.
1. Acknowledge Their Progress
The period after losing a loved one is a tough time in a person’s life. It can be hard to get out of bed, get dressed, and go to work. Eventually, however, grief becomes more accessible to bear.
When you start to see progress in the way that your loved one is dealing with grief, tell them. You might be the only person who acknowledges their growth. Let them know how proud you are of them and that you are still there for any support they need.
Making the Holidays Meaningful When Someone You Love Dies
Although a friend or family member has died, you and your children can still enjoy the holidays with some open communication and advanced planning to deal with the holiday grief as it comes up.
Set an Example
Keep in mind that children look to you as a role model of how to grieve. Try setting the example of it being okay to talk about the loved one who has died or about how you are coping with grief. This may be the social cue your children seek to express their wants and needs during the holiday season.
Prepare in Advance
Advanced preparation for this onslaught of unpleasant and pleasant thoughts may ease the pain and reduce last-minute family conflict or personal distress. Around the time pumpkin patches morph into Christmas tree lots, grieving family members can begin to communicate their misses and wishes for the coming holiday celebrations.
Decide How to Handle Traditions
Please be aware that the holidays will differ simply because the particular person who died will no longer be present. Some grieving families enjoy continuing established traditions even without departed family members. If, for example, Grandmother always made the pumpkin pie, identify someone who can make her pie recipe. If they are willing, put them in charge of making it this year. Then, be sure to acknowledge Grandmother’s absence at the holiday dinner. Even young children can contribute to a toast to remember and honor those loved ones who have died.
Other grieving families may prefer to do things differently, like taking a vacation out of town to avoid reminders of the deceased. Other options include making holiday donations in honor of the dead. Delivering baked goods or toys to nursing homes and hospitals is another way to make meaning of your loss by striving to improve the lives or celebrations of those in need.
Include Everyone in Decisions
Families may find many reasonable solutions for dealing with holiday grief. These decisions are good if everyone’s preferences and feelings are considered. Few would disagree that grieving alone and without support is a sad affair for children and adults alike. Regardless of the plans the family agrees upon, the most crucial step is including even the youngest children in the decision-making process.
Younger children may have difficulty coping with grief during the holidays and understanding how to express that grief. Please include them in decisions to help them adapt.
Make Time for Yourself
You may be trying to support grieving others, but don’t neglect your needs. Be aware of stress relief practices that help when things are difficult, get enough sleep, and ask for help if needed.
Get Professional Help When Needed
OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center offers help for those in need during their grieving period. Most grievers make it through this grieving process one day at a time with the help of friends and family. If your grieving loved one is still having a hard time with a death months after the occurrence, this may be a sign that they should seek professional help.
If you believe that your loved one needs help, do some research for them. Find grief counselors and support groups in their area. Pass the information you find off to them, and offer to support them in any way they need. Offer help with specific needs like watching the kids, giving rides to appointments, and going to the grocery store with them. For additional emotional support or guidance, contact OUR HOUSE Grief Support Center. May this holiday season bring comfort, strength, peace, and hope.
