How People Reacted When Partners Changed Their Gender
Life Change
It’s not often that people have to go through this scenario, but some find themselves with partners who realize they’ve been living the wrong life.
The following list contains stories of people who shared what they would do if their partner changed genders, along with a few who actually went through this situation.
Staying Friends
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If this happened to me, I would support them as a friend, but the relationship would be over at that point.
I’d have to walk away from the relationship as I am not attracted to men, and it wouldn’t be fair to my partner either. She should be with someone who desires her on all levels if she decides to transition to being a male.
Walking Away
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This situation happened to me last year. I did walk away from our relationship. I wasn’t on board and would have held my boyfriend back. He seems happy now, though, so I’m glad to see that.
I couldn’t give 100% to our relationship anymore, and we agreed that he would be better off with someone else.
No Longer Interested
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This is a tough one. I love my wife, but if she decides she is no longer a woman, I am no longer interested. We’d be fantastic friends because I adore her.
But I am not romantically interested in someone who identifies as a man. I’m sorry, but I’m attracted to women. I know my heart would break, but I would support my wife in her decision no matter what.
Ugly Divorce
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This happened to me a year ago. I ended up getting a divorce. It wasn’t amicable, and there was a lot of shouting from them and their friends about how transphobic I am.
I am happy for them to be themselves, but I’m attracted to men, not women. It’s just how it is. I lost a lot of friends and caught a lot of backlash for the whole situation.
Support
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If they feel strongly that it is something they must do, I would definitely support them, but that wouldn’t be the relationship I signed up for.
If someone changes things that much, the relationship will be over. A big part of the person I was with would be gone, and I don’t think I could love them as much as before.
Trying Hard
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I’m watching this happen in real-time. I am a lesbian and have been with my partner for 14 years. My partner has decided to transition and has been taking hormones. She had started to grow a beard as a result. It’s caused problems in our relationship. I realized that I didn’t want to be with a man, and the beard scratching me when we kissed was just too much for me.
We had talked extensively about the transition, and I was initially supportive of it, saying that I loved her and wanted her to be happy. We’d stick together no matter what. But now, we seem destined to split up due to her transition.
What If
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My husband and I actually had this conversation. He got upset when I told him I’d ask for a divorce if he told me he was transitioning to a woman.
I told him I’d be supportive and a friend, but I’m just not attracted to women. He changed his mind when I asked him if he would stay with me if I transitioned into a man.
Priorities
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While you love them, you still need to put yourself first. I have actually been in this situation, and I helped my girlfriend transition. It was hard when she pretended to hide the beginning stages, as I felt I was putting my life on hold.
She has now fully transitioned, and I have been there with her every step of the way, just like a best friend.
Too Much To Handle
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I went through this. We were engaged when they came out as transgender. We were a lesbian couple, and it was a giant shock to me. I wasn’t told before they proposed to me. I supported them, helped them through top surgery, learned their new names and pronouns, and even explained the situation to my religious family.
You really don’t know how you’ll react until it happens to you. I didn’t want to abandon my fiance. In the two years after that, testosterone changed them. They were very adamant that they were the same person – but they were actually much more explosive and very mean to our roommates. I couldn’t find my fiance in their eyes anymore. So I had to end it.
It Depends On The Change
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Honestly, it’s hard to process this one as a hypothetical. My partner is a man who is quite minimalistic and low maintenance in terms of his presentation. I feel like even as a female, he’d have a similar style, which I could probably vibe with. If he suddenly went super girly with fashion and hair and makeup, I wouldn’t be attracted to him.
But again, I can’t imagine that would be the case because that is just so far from his personality. I’ve only been with men before, although I believe sexual attraction is a spectrum. If this were to happen, it would serve as the ultimate test of whether I am officially “straight”!
It Depends On Which Gender
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If she came out as nonbinary: very cool. If she came out as a man: we’ll need to break up because I’m not attracted to men, so that would be a dealbreaker.
I would be surprised, though, because she’s a trans woman. I’d be more concerned that something or someone was pressuring her to de-transition. That’s not cool at all.
Perfectly Fine
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I’m bisexual, and I had this happen to me when my boyfriend at the time said that they would want to become a woman. I was perfectly fine with it and loved them nonetheless.
We broke up because we just didn’t fit together later on, and now they identify as nonbinary. To me, gender doesn’t matter. It’s the person behind the gender that does.
Trying To Make It Work
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When this happened to me, I supported her transition and tried to stay. But at the end of the day, I’m straight, so it was never going to work, so we divorced. At least that’s what I said when people asked me. The real story was more complicated. Additionally, it changed a lot about who she was, deep down.
She wasn’t wearing the masculine mask she assumed society wanted her to wear anymore. Still, she just replaced it with her understanding of how a woman was supposed to be. She also cheated on me with men and women and then begged to have an open relationship when she was caught. I gave up a lot to try and save the relationship, but it had to end.
Everyone Deserves Happiness
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This actually happened to me during a 3-year relationship. I thought he was cheating because I found a bra under our bed. It was his. I supported him through hormone treatment and so on.
But eventually, I had to be honest and tell him I wasn’t attracted to him as a woman. It was heartbreaking that I spent so much time with someone only to have them completely change. Regardless, I hope she is doing well and found happiness wherever she is now.
